For the past week, I have been relaxing at home giving my new roommate time to move and settle into our apartment without me hovering. Last night, I was digging around my bedroom trying to find a David Cook CD that I love listening to when I came across old journals/diaries.
I found my journal entry from September 11, 2001. It was a short paragraph that proved how little I understood what was going on then. I was only in fifth grade and did not grasp the severity of the situation. I have always had teachers comment on how I always acted too mature for my age, but I was not mature enough to really handle that tragic day. My last sentence mentioned that I had faith everything would be okay. Back then, I was religious and believed everything was out of our hands. Whatever happened was meant to happen. That little girl has grown up to be much more skeptical. I no longer rely on a divine power for support or comfort. I look to my friends and family because their support better fuels my perseverance.
After flipping through majority of the diaries, one of the common characteristics I noticed between the seven or nine different notebooks was the length of pages that had writing. Turns out, I am really bad at continuing to write about my life and my feelings. Maybe I got busy or just wasn’t passionate about writing. At this point, who knows?
The other similarity between all those journals: BOYS! I think I was in denial about how boy crazy I was back in the day. Every year, there was a different guy I had my eye on. Sometimes, the little “I Heart —-” changed midyear. Glad to see my priorities have gotten a little better. I would just like to point out these are all from my elementary and middle school years.
While getting a good laugh while reading through these journals, I realized how much I have matured and improved as a person. Middle school was a very dark time for me. I was suffering from migraines and three specialists along with my pediatrician could not uncover what was triggering them. I would get a migraine every other day, sometimes two days in a row. Constant migraines can make someone very irritable. Those journal entries just proves that fact. I can’t believe how cruel I was when writing about the girls I had strong friendships with but lost to a change in cliques. I’m so grateful to have grown out of that bratty stage. I’m not proud of how I handled those days, but I realize those moments have made me who I am today.
If you ever have time to go back and analyze the person you once were, I recommend you take the chance. No one remains the same throughout his or her life. As humans, our personalities evolve; just be sure you are changing for the better.