Reflections

For the past week, I have been relaxing at home giving my new roommate time to move and settle into our apartment without me hovering.  Last night, I was digging around my bedroom trying to find a David Cook CD that I love listening to when I came across old journals/diaries.

I found my journal entry from September 11, 2001.  It was a short paragraph that proved how little I understood what was going on then.  I was only in fifth grade and did not grasp the severity of the situation.  I have always had teachers comment on how I always acted too mature for my age, but I was not mature enough to really handle that tragic day.  My last sentence mentioned that I had faith everything would be okay.  Back then, I was religious and believed everything was out of our hands. Whatever happened was meant to happen.  That little girl has grown up to be much more skeptical.  I no longer rely on a divine power for support or comfort.  I look to my friends and family because their support better fuels my perseverance.

After flipping through majority of the diaries, one of the common characteristics I noticed between the seven or nine different notebooks was the length of pages that had writing.  Turns out, I am really bad at continuing to write about my life and my feelings.  Maybe I got busy or just wasn’t passionate about writing.  At this point, who knows?

The other similarity between all those journals:  BOYS!  I think I was in denial about how boy crazy I was back in the day.  Every year, there was a different guy I had my eye on.  Sometimes, the little “I Heart —-” changed midyear.  Glad to see my priorities have gotten a little better.  I would just like to point out these are all from my elementary and middle school years.  

While getting a good laugh while reading through these journals, I realized how much I have matured and improved as a person.  Middle school was a very dark time for me.  I was suffering from migraines and three specialists along with my pediatrician could not uncover what was triggering them.  I would get a migraine every other day, sometimes two days in a row. Constant migraines can make someone very irritable.  Those journal entries just proves that fact.  I can’t believe how cruel I was when writing about the girls I had strong friendships with but lost to a change in cliques.  I’m so grateful to have grown out of that bratty stage.  I’m not proud of how I handled those days, but I realize those moments have made me who I am today.

If you ever have time to go back and analyze the person you once were, I recommend you take the chance.  No one remains the same throughout his or her life.  As humans, our personalities evolve; just be sure you are changing for the better.

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